"Dear Lila..."
A popular feature on the old Xenaville site was "Dear Lila.." a bunch of jokey letters I made up that Gabrielle write to her sister. Here are the ones I could find in the archives! Oldest entries at the top, newest at the bottom. Can you guess which episodes I'm referring to in the entries??



Dear Lila
THE END IS NIGH!! I have some Mayan friends who tell me the world is going to end on December 22nd 2012 so thought I'd better get one last note in quickly! LOL. Well parchment-post isn't known for its speed. We had a few close shaves with 'the end of the world' with our Olympian gods too. What is it with deities and their need to control everything!? God-complex or what... Anyway, if I don't see you again, hope the end is peaceful. Otherwise, see you for Christmas dinner as usual!
Bye for now
Love
Gabby

Read more "Dear Lilas"



Dear Lila
Wow, is it really 10 years since I began my scrolls! Seems like only yesterday I was sitting at home with nothing to do but watch the vegetables. How is Perdicas by the way. Oops, forgot. Dead. Kind of like other people..who shall remain nameless! (You know who you are Xena, and I'm STILL waiting for you to come back!)
Anyway, I've met lots of great people along the way, and only some of them wanted to kill me. I think Xena had a way of bringing people together - sometimes violently, but always memorably!
Bye for now
Love
Gabs.

Dear Lila
well, I've been travelling with Xena for a while now, and I really don't reget leaving home at all (although I do miss Mum's cooking. Xena is HOPELESS! I'm taking over catering duty..) Right now I'm more of an annoyance than anything else, but at least I give Xena something to do! I mean, if she didn't have me to rescue, she'd just have to fight ALL the warlords around here - I give her a focus!
That horse hates me though...
love
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
well, I guess you hear I got married! Yeah that drip Perdicus turned up, and looking kind of buff! In a moment of weakness I accepted his proposal, but thankfully...sorry, I mean tragically he was murdered by Callisto (bless her!... I mean CURSE her!!) Actually, it was a bit upsetting. I have NO idea how I will get the blood out of my shirt! Wish they had laundrettes in Ancient Greece. Anyway, Xena took care of Callisto, and things are back to normal again. Phew, thank goodness that's the last we'll see of her!
love
Gabs

Dear Lila
You know, what HAVE the Amazons ever done for us?? I mean, look at the Romans...they gave us good roads, education, crucifixions, Latin, gladiator fights, law and order, a clean water system, central heating, and not forgetting those lovely warm baths! Amazons?...well, maybe daft dancing, leather bikinis and endless flipping strife! Honestly, one more week like this one and I am handing back that bloody queenie thing!
love
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
well here we are in Brittania. The natives are VERY savage on the whole. Not a terribly cultured place at all - not like us Greeks at all. Plus the weather is awful, and don't even get me started on the food. What on earth IS "steak and kidney pie" anyway? Their temples aren't a patch on ours either. My new pal Krafstar is taking me to see his group's place. Ah well, at least he seems like a nice guy.. Gotta go, they need me for the service.
Sounds kind of cool...
kisses
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
thought I'd better let you know you're an aunty! However, since my kid turned out to be the evil spawn of an evil deity, and practically had 666 tattooed on her head, I guess you'd better not tell Mum and Dad. Before you ask, no I DIDN'T shag anyone, I got impregnated in Brittania. Yeah, I said I didn't like that place. Anyway, to cut a long story short, had a baby after a 10 minute pregnancy, Xena tried to kill her, I set the banshees on Xena and ran, then tricked Xena into thinking Hope was dead. Keep your eyes peeled for a wicker basket. Should be washing up in an Amazon village just about.....now!
TTFN
Gabby

Dear Lila
Greeting from the Great Wall of Chin. Did you know they can supposedly see this thing from the moon? Yes, more foreign travel for me, and I don't even have to get a boat! (Long story, tell you later..) It's yet another journey to right the wrongs of Xena's dark and deadly past, yada yada yada. I mean how many people DID she kill ten winters ago!!?? However, Xena's not really talking to me right now. I suppose I did betray her and hand her over to a deadly enemy for execution. Some people are just so touchy.
bye
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
It was great to see you this week. Well, when I say "see you", it was kind of an illusion of you in a fantasy world created by Xena's dead son who was murdered by my demon daughter. (I poisoned her btw.) Yes, another regular week in the life of Xena and Gabrielle! Suffice to say you looked happy enough in Illusia (the dream world place) but I think you need to work on your singing!! Oh, and keep away from scythes.
Yours tunefully
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
it was old pals week this week. Remember Seraphin? That weird girl who was always into cults? Well she's found another one, and this time she's going to help my evil (if dead) devil spawn daughter - did I mention I poisoned her by the way? Well this bunch of loons are bringing the ungrateful little cow back! Shortarse Seraphin is just a dummy. Still, kind of nice to see a face from home.
We're off to her group's temple now. Let's see how the rebirth thingy is going..
talk later
Gab

Dear Lila
OH MY GOD!! Hope's back, and she's not a little kid in a bad wig any more...she's me!! Right down to the fab abs and manky green top! It gets worse - she's got a thing for Ares and they are going to release untold evil into the world. Still, lets look on the bright side. No awkward teenage years, first boyfriends to vet, no mother-in-law jokes aimed my way and I guess I won't get dumped in an old folks home by the granchildren.
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
Ever been to India? Daft question, I know. You've probably never heard of it. I'll say one thing for life with Xena, we certainly see a lot of the world - even if it DOES look pretty much like Ancient Greece and all the people talk with the same oddly Antipodean brogue..
Anyway, another interesting trip. I became possessed by a demon entity and almost got killed by Xena (again), renounced violence and chucked my staff in the Ganges, then had a REALLY wierd out of body experience. No, nothing to do with laced nutbread this time. Oh, I got my haircut too. Bit butch, but I kind of like it.
see ya
Gabs.

Dear Lila
What have the Romans ever done for us??! I'm just sick of that bloody wanker Caesar. You'll never believe it, but he had us crucified - again!! I'm just so sick of being dead! When I see him again, I'm gonna kill him!
Even our afterlife was complicated. Heaven, Hell, angel, demon - we did it all! I think I quite suited those wings. Of course Xena looked WAAAAAY better than me as a demon. I was more Linda Blair without the projectile vomiting! Anyway, we're back again now - long story but when you're mixing with angels and gods, I guess nothing is permenant.
TTFN
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
I'm considering a trip home. Well, maybe anyway. I'm pretty mad with Xena right now - she's got herself knocked up, or rather SOMEONE did her! OK, so I know I got pregnant that time after the evil deity wrapped me in a bit of fire, but Xena MUST have been have fooling around with someone. Better not be that bastard Ares, he's totally obsessed with her but she says she doesn't return his feelings. She claims not to have been with any guy, but I just don't know what to think... Should I believe her?
Gab

Dear Lila OK, you're never gonna believe this. CALLISTO got Xena pregnant!!! Yeah, freaky or what. I mean, firstly Callisto's a girl, and secondly Callisto is dead, and thirdly Callisto HATES Xena! Guess she really is an angel now. Xena's a bit miffed that she didn't even get to enjoy the conception. I told her if she even THINKS of enjoying conceiving with Callisto she'll be cooking her own sausages for the next 9 months!
bye
Gabs

Dear Lila
avoid mermaids or any magical sea creatures at all costs! I had the worst nightmare ever, where I was married to a fishy Joxer with 3 fish kids. It was just horrible. A total nightmare lasting 44 minutes that will haunt me forever!! *attempts to delete from memory*
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
you know, I don't think Xena and I should be allowed to pick baby names. First, I go for Hope - sweet name for an evil demon child-murderer!! Xena called her kid Eve - the first woman, garden of Eden yada yada and guess what? She becomes known as the Bitch of Rome! I think we are cursed! Perhaps we should have called them Kylie and Kelly.
love
Gabby

Dear Lila
My, its been a long time since I last wrote, and SO much has happened! You know about the 25 year sleep thing, and I know you are now a LOT older than me..ha! Oil of Ulay for the next 5 Solstices I think... I'll write more soon. Expect to have some time on my hands very very soon.
love
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
"Lets have a nice trip to the woods, bit of canoeing, catch up with Virgil," says Xena, "it'll be a nice break.." HA!!! What a liar she is! Our canoe gets attacked by wierd water guys (why DID they attack us in water?) a scrap with a bloke in a bear skin (looked pretty flea bitten too), I get chucked into a raging river and nearly drown, freeze my arse off in a cave for hours, get dragged up a cliff backwards by my 'supposed' best friend who then hands me over to the cannibals! Then I get basted in THE most disgusting sauce ever (reminded me of Granny's notorious Gooey Goosey Gravy) before having the crucial role in Xena's plan to defeat these people while having to battle hungry cannibals eyeing me in a way I found most disconcerting. Don't think they were after my body in the way the usual pervy warlords are...
Wonder if we will EVER have a nice quiet week...
love
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
Ever heard of something called "Hollow-Ween"? Or maybe "Hallow-Een"? Something to do with spooky goings on, ghosts, ghouls and witches I hear. Well, I saw a ghost this week, only there were no clanking chains or men in white sheets. It was Ephiny..remember her? That Amazon pal of mine with a wierd taste in men. (Thankfully Xena didn't tell any centaur jokes..) Anyway, despite Xena thinking I had been hitting the henbane laced nutbread again, it really was her. We had to help out her son Xenan - that centaur boy we helped deliver many years ago...MANY years!(Doesn't time fly when you're in an ice coffin!) As well as that, I am trying to stop Xena take the mickey out of my singing...I really was not THAT bad...Just cos she has those millions of "many skills".
love
Gabs

Dear Lila
Sorry I'm a bit late with this scroll - we've been in Rome mixing with nutty Emperors, randy Gods and delinquent daughters...I think there must be something in the water in Rome. None of their leaders seems to be, well...normal! And how come they ALL eventually become obsessed with Xena! OK, so it's the pot calling the kettle black on the obsession front, but there certainly seem to be some wierdos around. Anyway, once again Xena and I saved the day. Well, Xena did...I helped. A bit.
love
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
well, onto another year. I am hoping for a nice quiet one with no more manky foreign travel, betrayals by so-called "old friends", no more crucifixions (that REALLY hurts you know!) and no more lost time - I mean I've alread missed the last 26 new year's eves. This year I am not going to be taken in by any false holy men or women, I am not going to have anyone hold a knife to my throat and I am going to wear warmer clothes! And I am thinking of developing my own yell - like Xena's but different....I was thinking oo-loo-oo-loo-oo-loo. What do you think? Happy new year (whatever year it is....)
love
Gabby

Dear Lila
Don't the years just FLY by! Yep, another year older for you. Me? Well I slept through another one! So you're even older than me now...(ha, ha!)
Last time it was ice, this time it was fire..an eternal flame surrounded me. Yes, the freakiest things DO happen to me don't they. Still, at least it was warmer in there... And after a year's worth of winks, my hair is long again. Don't like it, think I'll pinch Xena's chakram for a trim as soon as we get off these winged horses. Sorry for the wobbly writing...
love
Gabrielle

Dear Lila
well, the nights are drawing in now. It's times like this I wish I'd gone for a warmer outfit. Wonder what Xena did with the leathers? Come to think of it, what DID she do with the rather snazzy breast plate and those arm thingies? I still remember the time I got dressed up as Xena years ago. I was pretty hopeless then. Now me and the chakram are best buddies! Even Argo has warmed up to me.
That breast plate was really uncomfortable though...And not terribly good at protecting Xena either. The only place she ever got cut was on the left bicep :)
love
Gabby

Dear Lila
Don't birthdays come round quickly. Hardly seems like 25 years frozen in ice and another year snoozing in a flamey circle since the last one! (Come to think of it, how old am I anyway..??) I never really thought of Xena as being the playful type..and playing tricks and things drives me mad. Still, managed to get a few in myself. But Xena is just SO competitive! Many skills, my eye...
However, she was quite sweet in the end, she got me this sappy Sappho poem all about love. Ahh... Of course, Xena would have preferred a dirty limerick beginning "There was an old man from Thrace.."
love
Gabby

Dear Lila
You know, travelling the world really IS over rated! Lila, cross Japan or Japa or whatever it is called OFF your list of places to visit! Can't say I am at all impressed by their hospitality. Also, it's a good job mum isn't around cos she would be LIVID because I got a huge tattoo! Yeah, daring of me or what. Learnt to throw the chakram, did acrobatics, rock climbing and defeated a mighty (huh!) Samauri warrior three times. Oh yeah, and Xena's snuffed it....
Bugger.
love
Gabby

Dear Lila
ah, the joys of summer! Camping out under the stars, the light sea breeze, feeling the sun on your face. Don't you just love summertime. Hope you are well.....still not that much happening for me right now. Xena's still dead (unless you've been reading that Subtext Season 7 or the other Virtual Season 7. Or ANY other Post-AFIN fanfiction!) I've been feeling dramatic recently. There's this English playwright guy, Shakyspear or something? Anyway I've landed a role as a Lady. Stop laughing Lila! I get to be pretty nasty too...I think. Wonder if I can use my sais? Or maybe the chakram. "Out damned spot, or I'll chop you into little pieces with my chakram!" Yeah, much better....I'm sure he won't mind a few re-writes.
love
Gabby

Dear Lila
You know sis, some people make a really big deal out of sports don't they? I mean I know us Greeks invented the Olympics and Xena and I WERE reponsible for the marathon race (sort of), but there is this thing called the (Known) World Cup going on somewere in the East right now. You know I have a thing about the East since that business in Japa(n) with that little cow Akemi, so I'm not bothered, but Xena is up at all hours watching flipping South Korea v Costa Rica! Xena is cheering for England....huh, what does she know - Miss "I'm dead and only you can see me"! I've got my dinars on Gaul (that's France for you non-Romans..)
love
Gabby

Dear Lila
Spring is sprung! Yes, its Springtime for Gabby in Ancient Greece! A time of new life (well, apart from certain warrior princesses who kicked the bucket recently) and little cute lambs (who obviously don't know what us Greeks put in our moussaka) and little bunny rabbits(although I can never look at them quite the same way since that incident with the seemingly "cute" bunny and the weird red berries..) and fluffy yellow chicks(erm......nope, haven't had any bad experiences with them recently, thank the gods!)
You know maybe springtime is over rated....I think I feel a hay fever attack coming on.
love
Gabby



Dear Lila
So I hear Xena is heading to Brittania soon. Hmm, not sure she'll like it with all that rain, warm beer and football hooligans (actually alcohol, violence and getting wet are allright up her street!) Let's hope she manages to park Argo without getting clamped (can you clamp a horse? Probably not without getting kicked..tee hee!)
However, as our invention, the Olympic Games is going to be held in London in 2012 I suppose they might appreciate a bit of Greek culture, although I hear the Olympic flame had a few problems there. They should have got Xena to carry it, no one would have bugged her! Look out Brittania, Xena's coming!!
Bye for now
Love
Gabs.

(May 2008)


Dear Lila
So it's been ten years since Xena and I last travelled together (ok, don't get picky, I still have the urn, but I'm in denial that we ever visited Japa anyway) and I've noticed our fans are all a lot older looking too! Ah what it is to be forever enshrined on DVD (VHS is so last century!) young and wrinkle free! You would not BELIEVE what Xena is up to these days - frolicking with Roman nobles and gladiators. What is a Lutus or Ludus or Ludo anyway?
Bye for now
Love
Gabby


(January 2012)


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